Healing Love: How to Break Cycles & Rewrite Your Valentine’s Story
- Jessyca Nelle, LCMHC
- Feb 14
- 4 min read
Valentine’s Day is often associated with chocolates, roses, and romantic dinners. But at its core, this holiday is about love in all its forms—the kind that nurtures, heals, and strengthens our deepest relationships. At Roots to Rising, we believe love isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s about the everyday moments that create safety, connection, and healing, especially in families working to break cycles of generational trauma.
The History of Valentine’s Day: Shaping Love Over Time
Love has always been about connection and transformation. In ancient cultures, it wasn’t just about romance—it was the heart of family and community, something people showed through daily acts of care, honesty, and commitment. Over time, Valentine’s Day grew from ancient Roman traditions into a celebration of romantic love, influenced by poetry in the Middle Ages and later shaped by commercialization.
But beyond the gifts and traditions, the true meaning of Valentine’s Day remains the same: a chance to appreciate and strengthen the relationships that matter most. And just like this holiday has changed over time, our experience of love can evolve too—we have the power to redefine it in a way that feels right for us.
Love and Generational Trauma: A New Narrative
For those who have experienced generational trauma, love can feel complicated. It may be tied to pain, inconsistency, or conditions that left wounds rather than warmth. Many of us were handed versions of love that felt unsafe, transactional, or fragile. But just as history has rewritten Valentine’s Day, we have the power to rewrite our own stories of love.
Love is not about repeating the past—it’s about creating a new future. It means learning that love should not be painful, that we don’t have to earn it, and that we are worthy of receiving it in healthy, fulfilling ways. By stepping into this understanding, we shift not only our own experience but also the experience of generations to come.
Love That Heals: Breaking Cycles with Intention
True love is not just a fleeting feeling; it is a conscious, daily choice. Love is an act of healing and commitment. It looks like:
Breaking generational cycles – Choosing to heal so that the next generation doesn’t have to carry the same wounds. This means addressing past hurts, learning healthier ways to communicate, and modeling emotional resilience for our children.
Showing up for your children – Attuning to their emotions, validating their feelings, and creating a home where they feel safe and heard. When children experience consistent love and security, they develop a strong sense of self-worth and emotional regulation.
Giving yourself grace – Healing takes time, and perfection is never the goal. Offering yourself compassion in moments of struggle allows you to continue the work of healing without shame or guilt. Love yourself the way you want your children to love themselves.
Setting boundaries that protect and honor you – Love also means saying no when needed, protecting your energy, and ensuring that relationships in your life are built on mutual respect and care. Boundaries are not walls; they are the framework for healthy, lasting connections.
Practicing forgiveness – Holding onto past hurt can keep us trapped in cycles of pain. While forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm, it does mean choosing to release resentment and reclaim your peace. This is a gift not only to others but to yourself.
Recognizing and embracing healthy love – If you grew up without clear models of healthy love, learning to accept and trust safe, reciprocal relationships is a courageous step. Love should feel secure, nurturing, and free from fear.
Ways to Show Love That Helps Break Generational Trauma
This Valentine’s Day, consider shifting the focus from traditional gifts to acts of love that foster healing and deeper connection:
Share your family story – Talk about the past openly, highlighting strengths as well as struggles, so that healing can be a shared journey.
Practice active listening – Be fully present when your loved ones share their thoughts and feelings. Listening without judgment builds trust and security.
Write letters of appreciation – Express gratitude to those who have supported your growth and healing, whether it's a partner, child, or close friend.
Prioritize self-care – Show yourself the love you freely give to others. Taking time to rest, reflect, and recharge is essential for breaking cycles of burnout and emotional exhaustion.
Create new traditions – If old patterns don’t serve you, replace them with ones that do. Family game nights, gratitude rituals, or even simple daily affirmations can shift the emotional culture in your home.
Express affection in ways that matter – Love languages vary, so understanding how your loved ones receive love—whether through words, actions, time, gifts, or physical touch—can deepen your relationships.
Redefine what love looks like for you – Love doesn’t have to fit the mold you were given. Create your own definition—one rooted in safety, trust, and mutual care.
Love Helps Us Rise
Love is not just about what we do on one day of the year—it’s about the choices we make every day. Whether it’s the love between parent and child, the care we show our partners and friends, or the kindness we extend to ourselves, each act of love has the power to heal.
Healing is an ongoing journey, and love is one of the most powerful tools we have to navigate it. When we choose to love intentionally, we plant seeds of change that will continue to grow for generations to come.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love that lifts us up, strengthens our families, and helps us rise. Let’s rewrite the narrative, choosing love that is safe, expansive, and healing.
